Am I Enough?

Today is the day after American Thanksgiving- Black Friday. Since I am not American this day holds little weight in my life. However at this very moment (2:03 PM to be exact) my fears and insecurities are creeping in. I am on the verge of tears. I am in the midst of doubts.

Am I enough for my children? Can I really do this?

My day started like any other day: I woke up, got some blogging done, ensured the kids were fed and had activities to entertain them. Typical day. Then the thought pops into my head. It is so crippling that I have to sit just to regain my composure.

Am I enough? Can I really do this?

My daughter is freaking out at the fact that there is corn in her bowl of macaroni and cheese. My son is crying because I am not feeding him fast enough. I hear the Christmas carols in the background playing. Yet, my thoughts are consumed with,

Am I enough? Can I do this?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Regain my composure- just for a little bit. I feel a tear back there coming. I whisper a prayer and hope. My husband offers to help with a quick task before he goes. Lord, thank you for that man as I feel so unworthy.

Am I enough? Can I really do this?

My kids are placed in their rooms. Sound machines on, room in darkness and doors closed. I am now sitting and sifting through the chaos of my thoughts. The song currently playing: PREPARE HIM ROOM.

Sure I could be reading into this but hey I am emotionally drained. Seriously drained and I am running on fumes.

NO I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR MY KIDS

Sure it’s not the answer I expected but it’s the conclusion that needs to be drawn. I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR MY KIDS. I CANNOT DO THIS – at least not on my own. I am nowhere close to being the perfect mom- the mom who keeps her house clean and has kids smiling constantly. I am not the perfect parent as I am constantly second-guessing myself.

No, I am not enough for my kids but… I am not alone and I need to lean on Him. I need to prepare Him room. I need to stop focusing on my imperfections and let His perfections show. I need to let go of trying to keep it together only to feel myself unravel. I need to realize

I AM NOT ENOUGH BUT I WILL BE ENOUGH FOR THEM WITH GOD’s HELP.

Trudi-Ann Alleyne

Saturday 29th of November 2014

love you sister

alecia

Love you too!!

ChristyM

Beautiful! I think we all hit this point sometimes, and need to be reminded that it is ok that we are not enough.

Emma

Friday 28th of November 2014

I can so relate! I think we all feel this way at least sometimes. We just do the best we can and hope for the best - and, yes, that's enough. Hang in there!

Thanks Emma. It was a rough and emotional day

Jenn

Makes me think of Matthew West's song "Strong Enough" - we don't have to be strong enough, and we will never be strong enough, or good enough. It's all through HIS power! But He did give those little blessings to you. You are their mama and you are doing awesome. Don't listen to that voice that tells you they deserve more than you - it is not of God. Love ya!

I need to find that song Jenn.

Tammy

What a great post! I love your honesty and willingness to be real! I feel the same way often and just like you... He reminds me that HE is enough through me when I'm a willing vessel and dependant on Him. It's in our weakness that His strength shines through.